Thrive Boldly: The Neurobiology of “WTF Are You Doing?” (AKA: When Rage Spills Where It Doesn’t Belong)

Today, I snapped. 

Twice.

And I felt awful.

I've been fighting like hell for my parents’ care, navigating complex emotional and legal terrain to protect their dignity and future. My mom has Alzheimer’s. My dad has mental illness. This is a battle they can’t fight. And it shouldn't fall to one daughter to move mountains, send emails, make calls, demand decency. But here we are. And there are only two people standing in the way of peace and protection for my parents.  Just two. Not a thousand. And yet—I took that anger out on the world.

Incident #1: Th Parking Spot Showdown

Normally, I’m the nicest driver you’ll meet. You need to merge? I’ll wave you in. You’re stuck trying to cross oncoming traffic? I’ll stop. I hate road tension. But today, when someone took two spots trying to parallel park? I threw up my hands and flashed my best “What the fck are you doing?!” face.

She stepped out of the car—an elderly Japanese woman, smiling like the sun. “Can’t park,” she giggled. And my heart fell into my shoes.

Incident #2: The Stuffed Animal Monk

Later, a man blocked the intersection during my green light. I did the same thing—hands up, face twisted, total exasperation. He looked up and reversed, revealing a dashboard filled with stuffed animals. He placed his hands in prayer at his forehead and started bowing, over and over and over and over.

I frantically waved, It’s okay! Totally fine. Please stop bowing. I forgive you and I’ll put a good word in with God and I’m sure God will too, trying to erase my negative energy from his nervous system. I wanted to get out and hug him. No one was going anywhere fast. It’s construction season.

And that’s when I had to ask myself:“What the f*ck are you doing?”That was the mirror moment.

The Neurobiology of “WTF Are You Doing?”

When we snap at the world, it’s not just attitude—it’s a full-blown neurochemical revolt. Our brain is built to protect us from harm, but in times of chronic stress, it can’t always distinguish between a true threat and an everyday inconvenience. The system gets flooded. Misfires. Overcorrects. And suddenly, we’re yelling at a Buddhist monk and his stuffies in traffic.

Here’s what’s happening under the hood:

1. Amygdala “Hijack”

The amygdala, the brain’s ancient alarm system, scans constantly for danger. When it perceives a threat—whether it’s a genuine betrayal or someone double-parking—it fires rapidly, activating the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis. This triggers a cascade of stress hormones: adrenaline for immediate reaction, and cortisol for longer-term alertness.

The body goes on high alert: blood pressure rises, muscles tense, pupils dilate. You’re not thinking. You’re surviving.

2. Prefrontal Cortex (PFC) Deactivation

The prefrontal cortex—the seat of rational thought, empathy, and perspective—is energy-hungry and sensitive to stress. As cortisol surges, the PFC becomes suppressed. It’s like losing your wise inner coach in the middle of a fire drill. You can’t assess context. You can’t prioritize what matters. You become reactive, rigid, and binary: right/wrong, good/bad, fight/freeze.

The irony? You often don’t even realize the PFC has gone offline…until it's too late.

3. HRV Collapse and Nervous System Lockdown

Heart Rate Variability (HRV)—the measure of your heart’s beat-to-beat adaptability—is a key signal of nervous system flexibility. When you’re calm and regulated, HRV is high. When you're in survival mode, it plummets. This low HRV reflects a body caught in the sympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system: fight or flight.

Digestion slows or halts (gut brain goes silent), breath becomes shallow, sleep gets fragmented or impossible. Your system is bracing for a sabertooth, not a the cutest Japanese lady you’ve ever seen.

When the Three Brains Go to War

Stress doesn’t just hijack your head—it reverberates through your entire neurobiology. The three brains—the head, the heart, and the gut—each have distinct roles, and when they’re not in sync, your whole self spins into dysregulation.

In those two moments today, snapping at a sweet old woman trying to parallel park and a monk-like man with a car full of stuffed animals, what I was really yelling at was life. At the injustice of systems that make you have to fight for vulnerable people. At the fact that my parents’ dignity and safety depends on two people wielding unearned power.

But the fallout? That ricochets through my three brains.

Head Brain (Cephalic Brain)

The head brain processes logic, language, analysis, and planning. When stress hits, cortisol clouds the frontal lobes, making it nearly impossible to prioritize what matters. You get stuck in mental loops, ruminating, catastrophizing, planning conversations that may never happen.

Symptoms: You forget simple things. You obsess. You can’t concentrate. You snap.The pattern: “This is wrong. This is unfair. This isn’t supposed to be this way.”

Heart Brain (Cardiac Brain)

The heart brain governs emotional resonance, compassion, connection, and moral intuition. But in a hijacked state, the heart closes. You stop feeling people as people. You stop softening. You snap at the wrong people because your heart can’t tell who is safe and who isn’t anymore.

Symptoms: Irritability. Shame. Isolation. Guilt.The pattern: “No one sees me. No one helps. I’m doing this alone.”

Gut Brain (Enteric Brain)

The gut brain is the seat of intuition, courage, and core identity. It’s where you get the yes/no impulse, the gut feeling that lets you move with integrity. But under chronic stress, digestion slows or halts. You lose touch with your center. That grounded, rooted sense of knowing is replaced by fight/flight/freeze.

Symptoms: Stomach upset. Appetite changes. Tension.The pattern: “I don’t know what to do. I’m not safe. I’m about to be devoured.”

Together, the three brains that normally guide you with clarity, empathy, and purpose begin to short-circuit. You don’t feel like yourself. And that’s not because you’re weak—it’s because you’re wired to survive a battlefield, not modern chaos.

The Three Brain Reset: Regulation Rituals When You Snap

“You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.” —Unknown

So here’s what I need to do now. When I catch myself mid-snap, I can’t just “calm down.”I tend to all three brains like a triage nurse.

1. Head Brain – Reorient to Reality

When the mind is spinning, it’s time to anchor.Practice: Orientation + Naming.

• Say out loud: “It’s Thursday. I’m safe. I’m driving to pick up my daughter.”

• Name 5 things you see. 4 things you feel. 3 sounds. 2 smells. 1 taste.

  
  

  This simple sensory loop pulls the brain out of looping narrative and into present reality.

2. Heart Brain – Reopen the Door

It is said that anger is unprocessed grief.

Practice: Place a hand on your heart. Breathe in for 4, out for 6.

• Silently say: “It’s okay to feel this. I am doing my best.”

• If possible, look at something beautiful—a flower, sky, art, your child’s photo. Let beauty do the repair work.

3. Gut Brain – Reclaim Your Center

The gut needs safety to lead.

Practice: Engage the belly and breath.

• Take a deep breath into your belly.

• Inhale courage. Exhale rigidity.

• Stand up and feel your feet. Root down. Soften your jaw. Let the animal body know: we’re not being chased right now.

Recipe:

Golden Healing Dahl (aka your warm gut-soothing warrior bowl)

Ingredients:

• 1 cup yellow split lentils (moong dal or red lentils work too)

• 1 tbsp ghee or coconut oil

• 1 tsp cumin seeds

• 1 tsp turmeric

• 1 tsp ground coriander

• ½ tsp ground ginger (or 1 tsp fresh minced)

• ½ tsp cinnamon (optional, grounding)

• 3–4 cups water or veggie broth

• 1 tsp sea salt (more to taste)

• 1 handful chopped cilantro

• Juice of ½ lime

Optional grounding add-ins:

• Handful of spinach or kale stirred in at the end

• Cooked basmati rice or quinoa for extra substance

• Top with a spoon of coconut yogurt or drizzle of chili oil if you’re feeling spicy

Instructions:

1. Rinse lentils and set aside.

2. Heat ghee or oil in a heavy pot. Add cumin seeds until they sizzle.

3. Add turmeric, coriander, ginger (and cinnamon if using). Stir until fragrant.

4. Add lentils, water/broth, and salt. Bring to boil, reduce heat and simmer for 25–30 mins until soft and soupy.

5. Stir in greens if using, simmer 3 more mins.

6. Finish with lime juice and fresh cilantro.

This dish hugs the gut, cools inflammation, and grounds your nervous system with earthy spices and warm, slow digestion fuel.

Drink Pairing: Cardamom-Rose Tea Latte

Ingredients:

• 1 cup unsweetened oat milk (or any milk you like)

• 1 tsp dried rose petals (culinary grade)

• 3 green cardamom pods, crushed

• 1 tsp maple syrup or honey (optional)

• Pinch of pink salt

Instructions:

1. Heat oat milk gently with rose petals and cardamom. Simmer for 5–7 mins.

2. Strain, stir in sweetener and salt.

3. Sip slow. Let your heart soften.

Music Pairing: Angry Girl Therapy Meets Soul-Rock Alchemy

These songs let you feel the WTF fully—without bypassing it.

1. “Sad But True” – Metallica

2. “Wolf Like Me” – TV on the Radio

3. “You Oughta Know” – Alanis Morissette

4. “Shake It Out” – Florence + The Machine

5. “Start a War” – Klergy feat. Valerie Broussard